Quit encouraging the attention whore

I am uncomfortable in the gym. The moment I walk through the doors, I'm reminded that I've let myself go. I used to do this stuff for "fun", not because my ass is as big as a bus. These days, I walk in, get my workout on and leave. Recently, I thought it would be good for me to start taking classes like Zumba and indoor rowing. It was in my rowing class that I realized I will likely punch an old woman in the grill before I leave Texas.

Rowing is hard. Having some psychotic instructor yell at you while you're trying to remember your form, keep the "big number up" and not vomit all over the person next to you is hard work. It takes concentration and just as I get in my groove, Grunty McGruntie starts up from across the room. "YEEEEERGH (pant pant) YYEEEERRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!" Gah, I get it, we all get it. It's hard. Shut up. She throws me off kilter for a while. Damn the great acoustics of the room. My ears were assaulted by McGruntie when Sweaty Old Man starts with "come on, girl, get it!" Great. He's encouraging her. Gruntie, sensing she has the attention she's always wanted in life, rewards Sweaty with a gut-wrenching bellow. Worst workout to date. Come on, no one else is grunting, we're all trying to survive. And to the old man, don't encourage the hysterics! Chick knows EXACTLY what she's doing. 60 year old broads with fake boobies and a full face of makeup aren't at the gym to workout. Thanks for feeding the attention whore.

The workout was a mere 40 minutes. But for the fact that I didn't want to pussy-out on my second day in class, I would have walked out. Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll stop coming to class. Afterwards, I did my own cool down like a good little girl. My dedication to going to the gym was rewarded with a fart to the face while on the treadmill. A guy on the elliptical in front of me tore it up, but since he couldn't hear them due to his iPod being loud enough I could sing along to it, the farts don't exist, right? The ladies on either side of him shot him death rays before they left. Lesson learned, kiddos, if you have to blow it up at the gym, just turn up your music and rock out. You won't feel an ounce of shame for clearing out half of the gym floor.