On this day, we must remember

No words can convey the enormity or horror of the events unfolding before our eyes, 11 short years ago.

I was late to work. The night before was a doozy. I drank too much, talked to too many boring men and sucked in enough secondhand smoke to last me until the weekend. I woke up to shrieks and the running feet of housekeeping up and down the halls of the Temporary Lodging Facilities (TLF). Cranky me opened my heavy door.

"what's going on?"

The housekeeper had been weeping. Normally, her wore her war paint makeup like a mask. Today, it was as jumbled as her emotions.

"They crash planes! We under attack!"

She didn't stop to talk. She yelled her broken English proclamation over her shoulder. Her huge bag jostled to and fro. Bitch is going home! I need new towels!

I turned on the TV. What I saw made me jump into my flight suit, bar scene-scented body and all and go to my squadron. It was quiet. Everyone gathered in the flight planning room, all eyes on the TV.

My God.

I can never forget feeling a searing pain in my chest. I can never forget thinking life as I knew it was over. I can never forget feeling so helpless as I watched the raw uncut footage spill out from the screen.

My God.

Today, a much different scene. I have my almost 2-year-old son on my lap. We watch "Oswald". We're going to watch anything BUT current news. I'm not ready to explain to my children. I'm not ready at all.

I kissed him at the moment the first plane struck the World Trade Center. I hugged my daughter tight as 11 years of memories came rushing back. Back then, I was afraid. I felt lost and without purpose. Today, I feel the love of my children. I have hope that with love, we can end all this madness and be better citizens of the Earth. The love of my children has made me better.

Wherever you are, reading this, I wish you love, Peace and kindness.